Beyond the Meltdown - by Ms. Tweet
Spend enough time with children and patterns begin to show themselves.
Big feelings do not appear without reason.
They surface when something inside has reached its limit.
What feels sudden to us has usually been building quietly — often while everyone else was focused on shoes, backpacks, or convincing someone that yes, we really do have to leave now.
This is why behavior alone rarely tells the full story.
When the Body Takes Over
What we call a meltdown is not a strategy.
It is a loss of capacity.
In those moments, choice disappears.
Words go missing.
The body steps in and speaks instead.
Most adults recognize this feeling.
We’ve just had more years to practice holding it together — at least until later.
Awareness Comes First
Before regulation, there must be awareness.
We ask children how they feel.
Many cannot yet answer.
Not because they don’t want to — but because noticing the body takes time.
Hunger.
Tiredness.
Sadness.
Frustration.
In a small nervous system, these sensations can feel exactly the same.
Adults aren’t immune to this either.
Especially before coffee.
Clarity brings relief.
Why Breath Matters
Calm does not begin in thought.
It begins in the body.
Breath shifts.
Muscles soften.
The nervous system receives new information.
This isn’t a technique.
It’s biology, doing what it has always done — whether we’re ready for it or not.
What is learned in calm is what returns later.
Growing Brains, Changing Worlds
As children grow, their inner world reorganizes.
Impulses change.
Boundaries stretch.
Independence becomes necessary.
What feels deeply personal to adults is often merely developmental for children — even when it arrives loudly, and first thing in the morning, because hunger has suddenly become the highest priority.
Steadiness matters here.
Calm Is Borrowed
Children do not regulate alone.
They borrow calm before they can create it.
Presence teaches.
Tone teaches.
The state of the adult nervous system teaches — often long before our precious little people find their first words.
It would be easier if this worked differently.
Still, the pattern holds.
A Quiet Shift
Big feelings are not signs of failure.
They are signs of reorganization.
When we meet those moments without urgency, the system learns.
Slowly.
Repeatedly.
Over time.
Children do not just calm down.
They begin to recognize calm.
They learn what it feels like.
And eventually, how to return to it —
even on the mornings when no one has eaten yet.
That is how regulation grows.
— Ms. Tweet
